By blueravens (they/them)
On Being Asexual and Dealing With a Friend Called Rejection:
you walked by my side for quite some time
my words were at the the tip of my throat, waiting to come out
it was the first moment i’d said it out loud, it was supposed to be special
we rounded a corner, past an ice cream shop–(i try not to think about how it was my favorite, don’t think about it.)
“i think i might be asexual.” i said to you, all those years ago
you were taller than me and so i had a clearer view of your face
the confusion you wore, every small line–is that a frown? disgust? fear in your eyes?
you laughed it off and ignored that i’d even said anything to you
had i not been loud enough? had i betrayed myself?
i should’ve never said anything
it’s been so long since i’ve said it
to anyone else, to anyone at all
but
i know, that i am loved
i know, that i deserve love
i will be loved
not by you
not the way i want to
not the way i deserve
i pray that the next time i say this exact sentence, that the response i get is better
that it’s like in all those books i read, where two persons love and accept each other
no matter what
that’s the way it’s supposed to be
why isn’t it it the way it’s supposed to be
we suffer, we bleed, i take my hands out of the river and i drown myself
feelings
feelings
feelings
before you, i used to have those
You can find blueravens on twitter here.
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